March 17, 2000

LDR, 25 Poems

LDR lives in Pacific Beach, California. This is a small sampler of her poetry.
(Copyright 1998, 1999, 2000. Reprinted with the author's permission.)


1.

One man's universal
epitaph
glorified in beams of
ruby,
gold,
& sapphire.

Lips painted of blood
speak of the narrow road
erratic
laughter
echoes through bays of embarrassment.

Tears
spurred by dramatics are
pulled
to show
Sunday conviction.



2.

You insist
that I lay on my back
using suave overtones to make a clean
incision.
How does it hurt?
Only so many bruises before the blood
rises to the surface,
smiling,
smearing,
insatiable hunger
keep jabbing
kicking me under the table
looking
always watching
for a tear
or fluxuating tone.



3.

Behind her eyes lay
cold steel truths
sleeping
awaiting her vulnerability
and it comes
creeping
silent panic
during lapses in conversation
or at night
after sex.

No sleep tonight.

They wait for closed eyes
paralyzing
don't hurt me......
eyes snap open and
that field smell....



4.

Jean's right.
It's the cliches that do
all the harm.

We were drunk
merlot and
decoding love
letters carved into pumpkins.
Snuck away to walk you to your car
and one of us
broke the rules and
killed the secret
language we've been speaking to
each other.
We worshipped at the altar those 3 words have become
smashed every idol
and ate the offerings.

And you left me hungover.


5.

19
That's the magic number
aware that I knew less than i thought i did
full of realism
I left him 6 times before I said
I do
6 times
before I had no other argument
than statistics



6.

I've been sitting up all night drawing you
on my body
My lips form the word
but sound doesn't carry it to my ears
and the tears
have made their way down
traced a map on my belly



7.

I keep having this
dream
We're in the bathroom
watching each other in the mirror
My teeth are falling out
you won't catch them
the walls are moving
with flies and
I can't move
my dress is too tight



8.

homesick...

I want you to know
that I'm here
thinking about you
and how
this isn't my home.

I want you to know
about the sounds
my voice
how the electricity
went out.

I want you to know
how cold it is
and how the trees
hold the rain
and the leaves are turning.

I want you to know
about rotting apples
abandoned orchards
Mua's camp
and the runaway boat.



9.

You're right
I didn't say I'm sorry
but I am
and that doesn't matter now.
As though you made me
invite you to the party.
This has grown
ripe
and withered off the
vine.
Now
let go of my arms
and leave if that's what you're going to do.



10.

wow
he called again
and sounded really sincere.
he said....
I really wanted to say something that
I forgot to say earlier....
I just want you to know that
I am really going to miss hanging out with you
and that you are still
my favorite person and
I would hope that if you're ever in a pinch that
you feel like you could call
me.
and that's it....
no begging or pleading in
his voice.



11.

I was wrong
about being able
to lie on the phone
I can't. I'm not even
going to try.
and you think you know me,
that I'm taking the easy
way out.

There's a turn-
a missed beat
you're striking out.
My voice found a solid line
2 feet back.



12.

it's a prayer....isn't it?

i seek absolution
through my experiences with women....
only my rosary isn't in my hand....
it's in my mouth....
which may be why
i've never let a woman go down on me.

Am i trying to heal myself
through those experiences....
am i even having an experience
with another woman....
or is it just me
that i'm praying to?



13.

I feel like a poodle
freshly shaved
Little pink ribbons
on all but my nave.



14.

Breath catches
in a flurry
of particulars
quizzical entries
in the journal of lies
Fearlessly observing.
Faith in her provisions
like that
in the Lilies of the Field
tempting hate
without a fight
tempting fate
without a vision.



15.

A night
of shadows dancing in
the foreground
two stars joined by the moon.
eyes met by casual recollection
lips touched in mirror image
of what could be...
and a small challenge
of what couldn't.

With a simple ever-growing love
and faith in Him,
eyes grow wide in disbelief
and wonder of the
common occurrence
of miracles in our life.

So together....
hand in hand...

We explore one of God's doors
to soar on the wings
of a familiar seagull and know
secretly we will always be
Peter and Wendy.



16.

I lied. panic
I look at you and think of all
I want for myself.
My eyes
too often betray that all I need
is to be held safely by
you.

Is this love?
the way you smell
the ocean in your skin
Am I in love because I'm
repulsed by the thought of being
with someone else?
or is it that I'm distracted
without you?

If I knew which way my heart
was burning
I could give you the ashes
or throw them away.



17.

Sparkling laughter
with every look
symphonies in synchronicity
dance with a touch
reality shifts
with every word
visions swim--
remembering past
knowing present
leaving dew
droplets of diamonds
waiting to be worn
and begin life in a T.V. tube.



18.

Fingers brush
cropped hair
masks shed
cleansed in tears
shaking.
For walls a lifetime spent
building
fall hard.
Gothic arches once
painted red
linger
memorizing
as they touch.



19.

in the news
children taken from
our world
drive by
fighting in the middle
east. children the
warriors--
parents?
The "big one" is
coming. California
will be another Atlantis
they say
there's holes in the
ozone
we're all getting
skin cancer
don't drink the water
you'll get hepatitis
The sky just fell...he's
fucking some chick
from my old high school
and I'd like to vomit.



20.

So here I am
naked
to you
to the world
as I was to
the people in
Jack-in-the-Box
that morning
and all I can think
is how empty
my hand feels
without yours
how my eardrums
are shattering with the
silence of
one set of footsteps
and my pain wrenches
out
in tears coming
too easily.



21.

Little girl,
born 1 year ago
beautiful creature
You aren't the first
your sister
did it too fast
and it hurt
became an old
woman at 16 full of
anger,
lies,
and fear.
lived with her
eyes closed.
and when they opened
she died
and you were born.
There is much of her in you
and that's as it should be
for you are sisters
fruit of the same tree.



22.

Memories learned
stories told
pictures so dyed
from hearts unhealed
ornaments hung on
Thanksgiving.

Child clutching her
knees--laughter.
Such ignorance would
be wonderful
for a story's ending.



23.

fallen to knees
wind blowing
carefully grown locks
soaked by tears
and rain
well-rehearsed
monologue long
forgotten
my heart took over
screaming
about love
loss
pain
you holding me
thinking
"this is all i wanted"
so
it's been raining
ever since
because
at a loss for answers
you gave yourself
away
and now she has--
is
a piece of me.

So
at a loss for answers
kneeling once again
I gave myself to a rock
(as small as the world
and as big as alone.)



24.

these sequences
point and
counterpoint heralding
new beginnings
raising the dead.

raising the ante

spring cleaning. dust
bunnies in the albums
Lion too
but there are others
calling refrigerator-laundry

it's all coming up green

again i hear
you. again I ask
for you to explain
what happened.
Pulling out eyelashes

dragging on the timeline

peppered with black
holes--



25.

Your clarinet sits under
my pillow
As I dream of days that I might
have been given the chance
to say
how
you
have changed how I love
to sing names and
you hang across my arms
words
thoughts
limp
when i hear certain songs
or work against crossword clues
Peanut butter & jelly
or stale McDonalds
reminds me of a green T
with no pocket
I wish I wouldn't have
given back
to die with you.

Posted by Raoul

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