March 17, 2000

LDR, 25 Poems

LDR lives in Pacific Beach, California. This is a small sampler of her poetry.
(Copyright 1998, 1999, 2000. Reprinted with the author’s permission.)


1.

One man’s universal
epitaph
glorified in beams of
ruby,
gold,
& sapphire.

Lips painted of blood
speak of the narrow road
erratic
laughter
echoes through bays of embarrassment.

Tears
spurred by dramatics are
pulled
to show
Sunday conviction.



2.

You insist
that I lay on my back
using suave overtones to make a clean
incision.
How does it hurt?
Only so many bruises before the blood
rises to the surface,
smiling,
smearing,
insatiable hunger
keep jabbing
kicking me under the table
looking
always watching
for a tear
or fluxuating tone.



3.

Behind her eyes lay
cold steel truths
sleeping
awaiting her vulnerability
and it comes
creeping
silent panic
during lapses in conversation
or at night
after sex.

No sleep tonight.

They wait for closed eyes
paralyzing
don’t hurt me……
eyes snap open and
that field smell….



4.

Jean’s right.
It’s the cliches that do
all the harm.

We were drunk
merlot and
decoding love
letters carved into pumpkins.
Snuck away to walk you to your car
and one of us
broke the rules and
killed the secret
language we’ve been speaking to
each other.
We worshipped at the altar those 3 words have become
smashed every idol
and ate the offerings.

And you left me hungover.


5.

19
That’s the magic number
aware that I knew less than i thought i did
full of realism
I left him 6 times before I said
I do
6 times
before I had no other argument
than statistics



6.

I’ve been sitting up all night drawing you
on my body
My lips form the word
but sound doesn’t carry it to my ears
and the tears
have made their way down
traced a map on my belly



7.

I keep having this
dream
We’re in the bathroom
watching each other in the mirror
My teeth are falling out
you won’t catch them
the walls are moving
with flies and
I can’t move
my dress is too tight



8.

homesick…

I want you to know
that I’m here
thinking about you
and how
this isn’t my home.

I want you to know
about the sounds
my voice
how the electricity
went out.

I want you to know
how cold it is
and how the trees
hold the rain
and the leaves are turning.

I want you to know
about rotting apples
abandoned orchards
Mua’s camp
and the runaway boat.



9.

You’re right
I didn’t say I’m sorry
but I am
and that doesn’t matter now.
As though you made me
invite you to the party.
This has grown
ripe
and withered off the
vine.
Now
let go of my arms
and leave if that’s what you’re going to do.



10.

wow
he called again
and sounded really sincere.
he said….
I really wanted to say something that
I forgot to say earlier….
I just want you to know that
I am really going to miss hanging out with you
and that you are still
my favorite person and
I would hope that if you’re ever in a pinch that
you feel like you could call
me.
and that’s it….
no begging or pleading in
his voice.



11.

I was wrong
about being able
to lie on the phone
I can’t. I’m not even
going to try.
and you think you know me,
that I’m taking the easy
way out.

There’s a turn-
a missed beat
you’re striking out.
My voice found a solid line
2 feet back.



12.

it’s a prayer….isn’t it?

i seek absolution
through my experiences with women….
only my rosary isn’t in my hand….
it’s in my mouth….
which may be why
i’ve never let a woman go down on me.

Am i trying to heal myself
through those experiences….
am i even having an experience
with another woman….
or is it just me
that i’m praying to?



13.

I feel like a poodle
freshly shaved
Little pink ribbons
on all but my nave.



14.

Breath catches
in a flurry
of particulars
quizzical entries
in the journal of lies
Fearlessly observing.
Faith in her provisions
like that
in the Lilies of the Field
tempting hate
without a fight
tempting fate
without a vision.



15.

A night
of shadows dancing in
the foreground
two stars joined by the moon.
eyes met by casual recollection
lips touched in mirror image
of what could be…
and a small challenge
of what couldn’t.

With a simple ever-growing love
and faith in Him,
eyes grow wide in disbelief
and wonder of the
common occurrence
of miracles in our life.

So together….
hand in hand…

We explore one of God’s doors
to soar on the wings
of a familiar seagull and know
secretly we will always be
Peter and Wendy.



16.

I lied. panic
I look at you and think of all
I want for myself.
My eyes
too often betray that all I need
is to be held safely by
you.

Is this love?
the way you smell
the ocean in your skin
Am I in love because I’m
repulsed by the thought of being
with someone else?
or is it that I’m distracted
without you?

If I knew which way my heart
was burning
I could give you the ashes
or throw them away.



17.

Sparkling laughter
with every look
symphonies in synchronicity
dance with a touch
reality shifts
with every word
visions swim–
remembering past
knowing present
leaving dew
droplets of diamonds
waiting to be worn
and begin life in a T.V. tube.



18.

Fingers brush
cropped hair
masks shed
cleansed in tears
shaking.
For walls a lifetime spent
building
fall hard.
Gothic arches once
painted red
linger
memorizing
as they touch.



19.

in the news
children taken from
our world
drive by
fighting in the middle
east. children the
warriors–
parents?
The "big one" is
coming. California
will be another Atlantis
they say
there’s holes in the
ozone
we’re all getting
skin cancer
don’t drink the water
you’ll get hepatitis
The sky just fell…he’s
fucking some chick
from my old high school
and I’d like to vomit.



20.

So here I am
naked
to you
to the world
as I was to
the people in
Jack-in-the-Box
that morning
and all I can think
is how empty
my hand feels
without yours
how my eardrums
are shattering with the
silence of
one set of footsteps
and my pain wrenches
out
in tears coming
too easily.



21.

Little girl,
born 1 year ago
beautiful creature
You aren’t the first
your sister
did it too fast
and it hurt
became an old
woman at 16 full of
anger,
lies,
and fear.
lived with her
eyes closed.
and when they opened
she died
and you were born.
There is much of her in you
and that’s as it should be
for you are sisters
fruit of the same tree.



22.

Memories learned
stories told
pictures so dyed
from hearts unhealed
ornaments hung on
Thanksgiving.

Child clutching her
knees–laughter.
Such ignorance would
be wonderful
for a story’s ending.



23.

fallen to knees
wind blowing
carefully grown locks
soaked by tears
and rain
well-rehearsed
monologue long
forgotten
my heart took over
screaming
about love
loss
pain
you holding me
thinking
"this is all i wanted"
so
it’s been raining
ever since
because
at a loss for answers
you gave yourself
away
and now she has–
is
a piece of me.

So
at a loss for answers
kneeling once again
I gave myself to a rock
(as small as the world
and as big as alone.)



24.

these sequences
point and
counterpoint heralding
new beginnings
raising the dead.

raising the ante

spring cleaning. dust
bunnies in the albums
Lion too
but there are others
calling refrigerator-laundry

it’s all coming up green

again i hear
you. again I ask
for you to explain
what happened.
Pulling out eyelashes

dragging on the timeline

peppered with black
holes–



25.

Your clarinet sits under
my pillow
As I dream of days that I might
have been given the chance
to say
how
you
have changed how I love
to sing names and
you hang across my arms
words
thoughts
limp
when i hear certain songs
or work against crossword clues
Peanut butter & jelly
or stale McDonalds
reminds me of a green T
with no pocket
I wish I wouldn’t have
given back
to die with you.

January 16, 2000

Invisible Man

If you’ve read Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man, post your comments for other readers.
January 16, 2000

Mrs. Dalloway

If you’ve read Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway, post your comments for other readers.
January 16, 2000

As I Lay Dying

If you’ve read William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying, post your comments for other readers.
January 16, 2000

Pride and Prejudice

If you’ve read Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, post your comments for other readers.
October 31, 1999

Things That Go Bump

Maybe something happened on the "Information Superhighway" in September, 1999.

Maybe it didn’t.

Reporting thus far has been skimpy, as if the event or non-event, as the case may be, happened deep in some nightmare no one really wishes to fathom, not even the analysts. The most common reaction has been to attribute, based on little or no evidence, the "September thing" to flaws in the relatively new methods and software that recorded it; that is, to invoke the all-powerful resources of denial and disbelief. It is as Ralph Waldo Emerson said of human disenchantment, the ever-disappointing rediscovery that we really do exist in a world of finitude and limitation rather than the boundless universe of visionary ideas we prefer and work so hard believe: "That discovery is called the Fall of Man. Ever afterwards, we suspect our instruments."

The Great Unbelievable Thing: In September 1999, as millions of pimple-popping adolescents and college kids presumably left behind all thought of sunshine and the great outdoors to return to school and the midnight glow of interminable computer screens, "the number of active Web consumers dropped a slight 2.81 percent from 66.8 million to 64.9 million." Or at least that’s what was reported by Nielsen/NetRatings based on its regular survey of 33,000 Net users.

"So is this truly the end of the Web civilization?" asks ZDNET’s slap-happy opinion monger Jesse Berest ("Why Web Surfing Is Down," October 29,1999). Of course he doesn’t think so, but his offhand and uncharacteristically reasonable explanation has little to offer by way of consolation to the howling mob of Web-hypesters and IPO-conartists who have misled public thinking about "the new information society" since the Web’s inception:

The answer is quite simple: For now, the months of double-digit growth have reached a plateau. The next round of mega-growth is likely to happen sometime in the next few years when fat pipes (aka higher speed connections) permeate the home market. That will bring those who left the Web because of slow access speeds back, as well as attract an entirely new market of those lured by the thrill of "real" sound and video.

"Sometime in the next few years"? That’s over a century away on the time scale we’ve grown accustomed to using to track and predict "The Revolution." Worse, what if this is only a sign of things to come? What if there’s another plateau waiting a few years out, even after "fat pipes (aka higher speed connections) permeate the home market"? Even worse, what if this is really a sign of some underlying, fundamental limitation to the Internet’s appeal as a mass media? What if there is a "virtual" saturation point, hard or soft, beyond which advertising, marketing, news hype, political plugging, curriculum bullying, and declining prices cannot cattle-prod further masses to get and stay online? What if surfing reality really is better? And what if they, the general public, already know it and can by no means be persuaded otherwise? It’s certainly ominous that even September’s continued upward spiral in the total Web population–an estimated 1.5 million newly plugged-in users–was not enough to offset the staggering 1.9 million who, in the same month, joined the pack of digital dropouts who now represent about 32% of the Net’s estimated population.

In an effort to find some "good news" in the Nielsen//NetRatings report, perhaps before the implications of the September data hit Wall Street (linear extrapolation of October data through the 24th indicates a further slight decline for a second month in a row), Berest eagerly grasps at straws:

Nielsen/NetRatings data suggests a growth in some vertical categories, most noticeably sports (the National Football League kicked off in September) and financial sites. … The Web is becoming far more verticalized far more quickly than anticipated. Once Web consumers learn the power of the Internet as a means for gathering news and information, they might prefer going to the inch-wide, mile-deep content purveyors (verticals) than the "one size fits all" sites (search engines, portals). At the highest level, it’s a sign of a rapidly maturing business and one quite appealing to advertisers and commerce companies who prefer targeted eyeballs and are willing to pay for them.

While this line of thought may provide a glimmer of competitive hope for some of the bigger Net-bucks players, particularly those with cash on hand to participate in the current barrage of dot-com television spots, it hardly alters the dark possibility that the Internet game itself may have turned less than zero-sum for the foreseeable future, at least in terms of overall demographics. And that remains the most significant news from September, because the dot-com explosion has been financed almost exclusively on air. No significant corporate or IPO Internet venture is turning a profit. Most are running at incredible losses: hopes and dreams and pyramid schemes.

Consider the case of online retailer Buy.com, the latest Southern California huckstering scheme to file for IPO with the Securities and Exchange Commission. In its first six months of operation in 1997, Buy.com earned $390,000 on sales of $878,000. Thereafter, as is typical of these basically unregulated con-games, Buy.com entered its secondary round of private capitalization and started to loose money as if there were no tomorrow. Of course, the only tomorrow that counts in the IPO game is the public offering. Then founders, initial investors and ideally second and third-round investors fleece the market-mad public for double-digit multiples of pre-IPO investments, selling out and shifting these multiplied dollars from the now over-valued IPO company, incapable of ever earning a decent return on it obscenely bloated public capitalization, to similar schemes or to more sound stocks and bonds, avoiding capital gains taxation on their IPO windfall and thereby fleecing the general tax-paying public as well. In 1998, Buy.com posted losses of $17.8 million on $125.3 million in sales. And in only nine months of this year, Buy.com has surpassed its 35-year-old SoCal founder’s wildest dreams, posting losses of $80.5 million on $397.6 million in sales.

Yet, according to the LA Times ("Retailer Buy.com Files for IPO," October 28, 1999), top market analysts, such as Yobie Benjamin of Ernest & Young, believe "the stock market is likely to embrace Buy-com’s offering," despite consensus that, as Benjamin bluntly put it to the LA Times, "I don’t think it’s a sustainable business." Not that it takes a wizard to figure that one out.

Buy.com’s "business" thus far has been to front for the Ingram family empire based in Nashville: "Almost all the company’s distributors are related to one of the nation’s riches families … whose members control the country’s largest distributors of computer hardware and software, books, videos, DVDs, and computer games." Buy.com essentially gives away the Ingrams’ goods at or below cost, thus its mounting losses, while the Ingrams take their profit on Internet-supercharged flow-through. Meanwhile, Buy.com officially seeks a profit from advertising alone–selling banner space on its site–while trying to last it out until the great IPO tomorrow. Not surprisingly, no one can sell or even take orders for advertising as fast as $80.5 million can be lost retailing $397.6 million in mostly hardware and software at or below cost. So on the eve of its IPO dream-come-true, Buy.com has had muddy the water by declaring a change of course: now it says it will sell goods at a profit, relegating its steep discounts to consumers to a traditional loss-leader strategy. Even that announcement may not have been necessary internal wrangling had not delayed the planned IPO by a year. The final obstacles were cleared only last month. Founder Scott Blum stepped aside, his 56% ownership still intact, to let a trusted Ingram family insider see the scheme through to fruition as CEO, with the help of a truly world-class number juggler from Disney as chief financial officer.

Buy.com founder Scott Blum’s current employment? Online retailing, in which he presumably has some experience and perhaps some new ideas? No, that’s neither the "experience" nor the kind of "idea" that counts these days. Admitting "he’s not suited to run large companies," Blum has just formed, according to the LA Times, "an Internet venture capital firm with the Japanese investment giant Softbank Corp." Now a credentialed big-time IPOer, Blum can dispense with the need to come up with an idea to match or top his first. He only needs to dredge, with ample Japanese funds, for quick turnovers in the expanding cesspool of wannabe scammers from which he was lucky enough to emerge with Buy.com.

The Buy.com story is not unusual. It’s a window into the Internet IPO business, especially into the e-commerce boom we are all being sold in one way or another. But IPO e-commerce schemes are precisely those most threatened by reports of a static or diminishing pool of active Internet users, lasting perhaps for several years. And, although Jesse Berest would hardly say so even if he thought so, this may be the real "good news" of the Nielsen/NetRatings report: that some, just some of the most overpowering scam money may be driven out of Internet, allowing the formation and continuation of smaller but actually profitable companies capable of building for end-users a Net that will last beyond tomorrow.

Even better, the best news from September’s bump in the night on the Information Superhighway may be that none of us, from the currently "unplugged" to the Ingrams of Nashville and Softbank of Japan, yet know what the Net is or might yet become.


Scary, isn’t it?

Happy Halloween, 1999.

October 27, 1999

Lost Angeles

Lost Angeles I recent read an article quoting the late Herb Caen, my favorite San Francisco columnist. When asked his opinion of Southland, he replied, "I’d like to get to know Los Angeles, but I never can find it."

Unlike Herb, after much serious thought and extensive investigation I think I have found it–but I can’t hold on to it.

We live on Gardner between Fountain and Sunset. Our lease reads "Hollywood." However, I have found that just across the street from us the library and the fire station are in Los Angeles. (The Fire Department isn’t sure about this side of the street. I was told to check with the fire station on Santa Monica in West Hollywood.)

The Rite Aid drugstore at Fairfax and Sunset is in Los Angeles, but a few blocks west, the Sunset Strip is in West Hollywood. Wolfgang Puck, however, thinks he’s in Hollywood.

When I was considering entering a contest for photos of West Hollywood, I recall reading of a group called Project Angel Food in West Hollywood. Project Angel Food is on Sunset, just a block west of Gardner. I stopped by their office and inquired if they actually were in West Hollywood. I was assured they were. Not quite believing it, I checked with the police office next door. The first person to whom I spoke didn’t know where he was. In the next office, two women didn’t know either, but the switchboard operator popped up out of nowhere and told me we were in Los Angeles. The car agency next to the police office has a huge sign that reads "West Hollywood."

I asked the downstairs tenant. She said, "Well, we’re probably in Los Angeles but Hollywood sounds so much better."

The following day we received two packets of address labels from two different charitable organizations. One said "Los Angeles," the other "West Hollywood." I couldn’t stand it! I called the post office and gave the clerk our nine-digit ZIP code and asked him where it was located. He replied, "West Hollywood."

One more time! I called a toll-free number I though was a zoning office in Los Angeles. I stated my case. The lady laughed and said, "Honey, this is Sacramento, but I’d go with the United States Post Office." We had a nice conversation, agreeing that no one down here knows where he is–nor cares–and Hollywood is a myth, or more likely a huge movie set and we but players in it.

I’m with you, Herb, wherever you are.

Muriel I.

October 24, 1999

Like Herding Cats

For more than a year now, the media have enthralled us with the threat of anarchy on a global scale: the total breakdown of crucial informational, financial, commercial, social, governmental and even physical infrastructures directly caused or indirectly precipitated by the Y2K Millennium Bug.

The race is on. The countdown has begun and there’s no stopping it. Ready or not, 11:59:59 December 31, 1999, and the doomsday second after will arrive. The problem is real enough. Some of us actually are scrambling, at work and at home. But, real or not, every last one of us has received not just an engraved but a multimedia extravaganza of an invitation to hold our breath for the New Year’s spectacle, that magic moment. What will happen? Perhaps nothing much at all. That doesn’t matter to the event, to the spectacle. The best part of the Y2K entertainment has been coverage debating whether the scare is really worth it. Like any good media issue these days, the hype only intensifies, feeding on its own exposure as hype.

Whatever will happen will happen. But catastrophe or no, there is one thing of which we can be certain: there will be an afterward. Yet this question–what happens afterward?–has been conspicuously absent from nearly all discussion of possible Y2K scenarios. With the notable exceptions of netwar hawks looking to "lock down the net" and corporate propagandists out to demonize class action lawyers (and these two groups do make strange bedfellows), almost no one is publicly speculating about what the landscape looks like after January 1, 2000. What is going to happen? Not as a result of the Millennium Bug, but in consequence of all that has been done, is being done, and will yet be done to "fix" the Bug?

Despite the now commonplace claim that we are living through a "revolution" in information and telecommunications systems akin to the prehistoric agricultural and 19th-century industrial revolutions in significance for human existence on this planet, it seems no one wants to look at, or no one wants us to look at, what it might mean that in the short span of a very few years American business alone will have spent upwards of $50 billion in Y2K money to update its digital infrastructure. More important, this Y2K spending, in addition to massive on-going investment in information and communications systems, has been directed almost exclusively toward updating and/or replacing the oldest, least accessible, least inter-networkable, most data-intensive core of the corporate world’s digital operations. It’s not just one bug problem, however big, that’s being fixed. Businesses, as well as governments, are preparing for more than the Millennium Bug. They are preparing to do business in new modes for the millennium to come.

How they see business in the next millennium is not hard to discern. Across the boardroom, the coming millennium is anticipated as one in which corporate entities and alliances of unprecedented size and scope will, on the one hand, have increasingly detailed demographic, cradle-to-the-grave tracking and targeting data on end consumers, first in the United States and very soon afterwards among affluent, "plugged-in" classes globally. And, on the other hand, these same corporate entities and alliances will be able to employ the same information and telecommunications infrastructure to raise "productivity" to previously unimagined heights; that is, to continue, with a vengeance, the "downsizing" and "restructuring" agenda begun with so much success in the early to mid 1990s, to lower the labor cost of each and every branch of global corporate, finance and marketing operations.

It should deceive no one that the late 1990s brought an interruption to this agenda, that for a variety of reasons, including the Millennium Bug itself, we entered a period of weirdly full employment in America as the rest of the world continued to struggle. The agenda has not changed. Though massive corporate restructuring layoffs stopped coming in waves in the late 1990s, the long-term opportunities and pressures noted at the time have not changed. Today, Wall Street continues to reward just about any employment-reducing "restructuring" announcement with immediate stock jumps. Certainly, we have not seen the last of the New World Order that peeped through in the first half the decade, a New World Order in which comparisons between the distribution of wealth, power, and privilege in the United States and in Brazil became, however exaggerated, at least thinkable.

Perhaps most telling of the function and achievement of American corporate and corporate-centered media is that those comparisons between the nominally first-world United States and third-world Brazil, and the alarm bells they were meant to sound, came not from "the left" but from within the American and international business community. The business press was loud and clear, warning and preparing the community it serves for new global challenges to be faced in the coming millennium:

Percy Barnevik is the chief executive officer of Asea Brown Boveri, a 29 billion dollar a year Swiss-Swedish builder of electric generators and transportation systems, and one of the largest engineering firms in the world. Like other global companies, ABB has recently re-engineered its operations, cutting nearly 50,000 workers from the payroll, which increasing turnover 60 percent in the same time period. Barnevik asks, "Where will all these [unemployed] people go? He predicts that the proportion of Europe’s labor force employed in manufacturing and business services will decline from 35 percent today [1994] to 25 percent in ten years from now, with a further decline to 15 percent twenty years down the road. Barnevik is deeply pessimistic about Europe’s future: "If anybody tells me, wait two or three years and there will be a hell of a demand for labor, I say, tell me where? What jobs? In what cities? Which companies? When I add it all together, I find a clear risk that the 10% unemployed or underemployed today could easily become 20 to 25%."

Peter Drucker, whose many books and articles over the years have helped facilitate the new economic reality, says quite bluntly that "the disappearance of labor as a key factor or production" is going to emerge as the critical "unfinished business of capitalist society."

Peter Drucker has warned his business colleagues that the critical social challenge facing the emergent information society is to prevent a new "class conflict between the two dominant groups in the post-capitalist society: knowledge workers and service workers. (Jeremy Rifkin, The End of Work: The Decline of the Glbal Labor Force and the Dawn of the Post-Market Era, New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1995, 11-12, 176.)

Class conflict? Communism may be a "dead ideology" in the mainstream media for mass consumption, but it seems Marxist analysis is alive and well in the corporate world, busy helping international capital in the information age avoid Marx’s prediction that capitalism would become its own gravedigger.

What can we expect after the Y2K problem is overcome? The commonplace and probably conservative business press estimate–Wall Street Journal, Business Week, Forbes, etc.–is that less than 5 percent of potential corporate restructuring to take advantage of the information and telecommunications revolution has already occurred. It may well be that the most frightening and socially disruptive consequence of the Millennium Bug will be that in "fixing" the Bug, in investing in refurbished and entirely new inter-networked data and communications systems, America’s and the world’s largest corporations will have cleared away, in a few short years, nearly every legacy-system barrier to the remaining 95 percent of this "unfinished business of capitalist society." After 11:59:59 December 31, 1999, restructuring is likely to proceed at unforeseeable rates, restrained only by the need to maintain social order among those not destined to share in the benefits of the coming millennium, the over 80% of America and even greater percentage around the world who will not be needed as plugged-in "knowledge workers."

What may prove most interesting about the post-Y2K wave of corporate mergers, "downsizing" consolidations, and data-driven marketing campaigns is that the first and hardest hit victims are likely to be business people and professionals already using networked data on a daily basis.

What happened last week (late October 1999) in the travel industry is probably the surest sign of things to come in the wake of Y2K. United Airlines reduced its discount price to travel agents from 8% to 5%, and most other airlines promised to follow suit in this latest in a rapid series cuts. Quite simply, the airlines no longer need travel agents nor the agents’ long-existing computer network to sell airline tickets. A daily-growing percentage of Americans–those Americans who count, those who can afford personal computers and frequent flight–not only can buy their tickets off Internet but are also apparently willing to pay an average of 5-10 percent more for those personal Internet purchases than they would be charged by a travel agent using the full search and comparison capability of their non-Internet data network. According to one travel agent, a frequent guest commentator on tourism matters for local San Diego newscasts, the new 5% discount rate represents a cut below agents’ cost of doing business. This data-network-based industry is staring its own death in the face. It will not be the last.

Asked what travel agents intended to do about the discount rate cut and specifically about the possibility of an agents’ boycott of United Airlines sales, the local industry spokesman replied, "That might be a good idea, but there are some laws against that kind of cooperation, maybe. And, in any event, travel agents tend to be very independent, entrepreneurial types of business people. Trying to get them all to agree on anything is like herding cats."

Ironically, the first and hardest hit victims of the coming millennium may well be those least politically, socially and ideologically prepared to employ collective action to remedy a collective harm. They may be precisely those who most eagerly envisioned their future glowing bright and beautiful in the broad, I-Me-Me-Mine, union-bashing strokes of Ronald Reagan’s American Dream.

October 6, 1999

The Dog In The Temple

In illustrating the urgency of attending to higher spiritual needs, Tibetan Buddhists never tire of telling the story of Atisha and the dog in the temple.

Atisha, also known as Dipamkara Srijnana, was an Indian monk and scholar who arrived in Tibet around the year 1038. He’s credited with reintroducing Mahayana Buddhist texts, practices, and ethical principles to a region where Buddhism had been largely reabsorbed and rendered almost unrecognizable by Tibet’s indigenous Bon religion and numerous shamanistic cults. Atisha, considered a reincarnation of Manjushri Bodhisattva, the Celestial Bodhisattva of Wisdom, founded the Kadampa sect of Tibetan Buddhism, which around the beginning of the 15th century was reformed to become the ruling Gelugpa sect, over which the current Dalai Lama presides.

Atisha’s writings and historical acts, however preserved in dubious texts and obscured by legend, are of special, renewed significance to the Gelugpas in exile today, faced as they are by the double task of restoring "true" Buddhism to Tibet after its dilution by over forty years of Chinese anti-religious propaganda and of carrying "true" Buddhism to the New Age barbarian hordes of the Western wastelands in which they have been forced to wander. Their task today is not very different than Atisha’s almost a millennium ago, and they know it.

And all about the dog’s history, contributions and reincarnations? Nothing more is known. Except that, in typical American fashion, some California Buddhist centers schedule a regular "Doggie Dharma Day" on which devotees bring their best friends to experience the teachings as best they can. The Gelugpas certainly have their work cut out for them.

In any event, here, at some length, is one of the Dalai Lama’s retellings of the story of Atisha and the dog in the temple, from The Path to Enlightenment ( Snow Lion: Ithaca, New York, 1995, 35-36):

There is no realm of samsara where we have not taken birth, no samsaric pleasure we have not enjoyed and no form of life we have not known over our countless stream of previous lives. Yet even now as humans most of us are like blind animals, unable to discern the patterns of life unfolding within us, leaving spiritual aims behind and chasing only the biological and emotional needs of the senses. Totally unaware of the spiritual methods that produce everlasting joy, we admire the ignoble and have distaste for the noble. Rather than giving ourselves to vain and negative pursuits, we should take note of the words of the Kuntang Rinpochey: "Having found a rare and precious human rebirth, guard it with the stick of mindfulness. Stretch to the realm of liberation."

At this time when we have a human body and mind and have met with the profound teachings of the Great Way, we should take advantage of the opportunity and engage in spiritual methods. If we do not practice now while we have an incarnation most suitable to the attainment of enlightenment, what hope do we have for progress in the future? Many types of sentient beings, such as dogs and insects that live near a temple, meet with the teachings but, not having an appropriate physical or mental basis, they are unable to comprehend them or put them to use. No matter how much we love an animal, we are not able to teach it how to meditate and cultivate spiritual qualities. Whenever Atisha would meet a dog he would stroke it lovingly and whisper into its ear, "Because of your previous negative karmic actions you are now unable to practice the holy teachings." Atisha did not do this out of lack of compassion but because the dog lacked a basis capable of practice and he wished to lay an instinct of the teachings upon its mindstream.

OK. I confess. I am that dog.

You may think that’s funny. But I don’t….

Imagine my pain! Imagine my frustration and disappointment! Having finally, after nearly a millennium of wandering here and there, now and then, found this supposedly rare and precious human rebirth, it turns out to be America, the latter half of the twentieth century. What a waste. What horrors have I done to deserve this? I can only imagine.

Consider my noble instincts, the basic hunger for spiritual awakening that brought me here across centuries. And yet I was born into the shadow of Sputnik, my early formal education, emphasizing mathematics and the sciences, devoted to turning me out as another Cold War instrument of global nuclear destruction. And on the "spiritual" side, my unending misfortune continued. Imagine, I was early exposed only to the most whitewashed of Protestant christian-bush.html”>christian-bush.html”>Christianity, Presbyterianism. As a human child looking up to adults, what could I gather but that religion was something about dressing up in stiff clothing, being bored in a big woody place for an hour or so, and then having coffee and cake over the buzzing excitement of an exchange of business cards.

Recently, I reread the New Testament. I discovered that I was not far wrong as a child, that it was not just my parents’ particular Presbyterian church but something older and deeper. Aside from the different and contradictory genealogies of Jesus in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke , each designed to leverage "the asset" into then proper prophetic lineages, the most revelatory passage in my reading was the beginning of Acts 5:

But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, and kept back a part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? Whiles it remained, was it not thine own? and later it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God.

And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came unto all them that heard these things. And the young men arose, wound him up, and carried him out, and buried him.

And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, come in. And Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much.

Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried your husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out.

Then she fell down straightaway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband. And great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many as heard these things.

If only all business could be conducted so efficiently today, in an atmosphere of total terror backed by deadly invincible force. The exchange of business cards, what a true communion would that be then!

My apologies to the mere handful of genuine christian-bush.html”>christian-bush.html”>Christian souls on this planet. I don’t know how you do it, manage to extract, isolate and live "Love thy neighbor as thyself" from buried within hundreds of pages of miracle worker ad copy. As for myself, I can be no more impressed by those than by Saytha Sai Baba‘s miracles today. Mind you, I’m not denying them on some materialistic, scientific basis. I’m just not impressed. And how could I be? My own long strange trip over the centuries seems perfectly ordinary to me, just a another dog’s life, yet this endless, dizzying reincarnation of mine makes their best tricks look like, well, tricks, something to bedazzle ignorant masses adrift with them in samsara.

In any event, just thinking about the howling emptiness of it all is boring me to tears, and probably you too. I think we all need to curl up and take a good long nap. Perhaps when we next awaken I’ll be able to tell you more, about what I learned in college and so on and on up to the very present of my travails in this wide wide wilderness. Or perhaps nothing. Perhaps another life. Perhaps, if I have a daughter, I’ll name her Sapphira.

Until then….

Woof! Woof!

Now, doesn’t that make you feel like barking back? Just a little bit?

We are all Atisha’s dog.